Finding Love…Again

Don’t close the door to the possibility


Several years ago, there was an (incorrect) statistic circulating:  “A woman over age 40 has a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than of getting married.”  Thank you Snopes for debunking that ridiculousness.  There are plenty of people in the 40 plus crowd finding love.  Today, I’d like to share with you a “love story” from my friend Jackie.

I met Mark at a Singles Dance. We danced a few times and I didn’t feel any connection. We just loved to dance. It didn’t take long before we did start dating. We fell in love and got married about six months later.  A few of Mark’s friends thought we were moving too fast.  They knew about his previous failed marriages and were just looking out for him.

Six months into the marriage, I was asking myself “what the heck had I done.”  I have been divorced for over 30 years.  Mark had been divorced a couple of times and it took some work for us to adjust to married life.  We worked through our issues with counseling and communication. Marriage is a constant work in progress; we work at it every day.

My advice for those over 40 wanting to get married is:

  1. When you go out, just go out and have a good time. Don’t have on your mind that you are hunting for someone to marry.
  2. Know what you want (make a list) so that you don’t waste your time dating someone who doesn’t meet your requirements. Have a list of your non-negotiables. One of mine, besides the fact that he needed to be a Christian, was that he had to love to dance. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t have bothered to date him. That requirement was non-negotiable.
  3. Also have a separate list of things that you are willing to compromise on.
  4. When you meet someone, take your time. No matter how much you think you might like the person DON’T SETTLE.

If you are really interested in getting married, don’t give up on something you want. Like anything in life: If it is worth going after, it is worth not giving up on.  In the meantime, just go about living your life you just might meet your spouse when you least expect it.

Written by Myrtis Smith

African American. Female. Christian. Sometimes-Vegetarian.

Wife. Mother. Daughter. Sister. Friend.

Writer. Teacher. Zumba Enthusiast.