Help for the ‘hopeless’ romantic hubby

For those of us who need to step up our game


To paraphrase the Urban Dictionary, a “hopeless romantic” is a person who is in love with love. They believe in fairy tales and love.They make love look like an art form with all the romantic things they do for their special someone.

Yeaaahhh….that’s not me.

For too long, I have been more of a “hopeless” romantic.  See where I put the quotes? To the certain frustration of a patient and loving wife, my romance game, over the last several years, has been pretty weak.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a few moments here and there.  But, for someone who prides himself on consistency in other areas of my life, I have to give myself a “C” on the subject of romance.

So, if you’ve been a “hopeless romantic”, I want to give you some of the tips I plan to employ to get it together this area of my life.  This is not an exhaustive list or a step-by-step guide.  You know your significant other (or you might need to re-learn) so, there is no one-size-fits-all remedy.  Consider this more inspiration or food for thought.

  1. Learn to speak her “love language”.  Over 20 years ago, author Gary Chapman wrote a book titled the “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts“.  In essence, it speaks to finding out how your significant other would like to receive love versus how you prefer to give love.  It breaks down these “love languages” as follows:
    • gifts
    • quality time
    • words of affirmation
    • acts of service (devotion)
    • and physical touch (intimacy)

Learning how that special person in your life wants to be loved and making efforts towards that shows that you are valuing the relationship to which you’ve committed.

2. The power of compliments.  This is a big stumbling block for me.  My wife often tells me that I come up short on this one.  Again, the key word is “compliment”, not “flattery”.  Where flattery tends to be shallow and aimed at getting what you want, a compliment shows that you genuinely appreciate and/or notice something favorable in another person.  So, if she’s looking hot, tell her.  If you like that color she’s wearing, let her know.  If you find her intelligence sexy, say that.  Taking the time to show a high regard for the person you call the love of your life is a great romantic gesture.

3. Share some of the hated chores. When you share a home, it’s pretty easy to fall into a routine of tasks that you do around the house.  I prefer outdoor work such as cutting grass or shoveling snow, taking out trash, cleaning the litter box, as well as some minor home repair.  However, my wife tends to take on other tasks, like cleaning floors, vacuuming and laundry.  I don’t think either of us really “like” our chores but, there are some we absolutely hate.  How about helping to take her stress level down and taking on some of the things she hates to do?  A guy with a Swiffer can be pretty sexy.

4. Do some of the things you used to do. Singer Brian McKnight had a hit song title “Back at One”, in which he talks how he goes about expressing love to the person in his life.  At then end of the chorus, he sing “…if ever I believe my work is done, then I’ll start back at one.”  When’s the last time you had a meal at home with just the two of you?  When did you last walk, hold hands and laugh?  When did you last cuddle and watch a movie together?  If you had to think about it more than five seconds, it’s probably been too long.  What did you do to get her?  You might want to retrace some of those steps from time-to-time to help keep the romance alive.

5. Make your time with her a priority. What are those common things that you enjoy doing together?  Is it movies, dancing, dining out, rock-climbing or lying in a hammock?  Take the time out and just focus on each other’s company.  Make some time and space that belongs to the two of you and make it sacred.  Unless it’s a real emergency, don’t let other people or things enter into this space.  See this as important and let others know how seriously you take your time with your significant other.

If you’ve been blessed to have a person to share your life then, fellas, get to work. Don’t spend another day as a “hopeless” romantic.

Written by JP Smith

A self-proclaimed "technologist...with attitude", I'm a forty-something husband, father and IT professional/enthusiast. I believe that learning and growth are lifelong endeavors.